It's what you say when you don't know what to say.

I have the overwhelming urge to blog, but I don't know what to say, so...

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

 

WHOA huge font. What on earth did my c/p do?! 

 

And bold? WHO BOLDED MY FONT?!

 

Ahh...  that...WHO KEEPS DOING THAT?!

Seriously, that was the most annoying thing, ever. I copied/pasted that word up there that I don't want to try and spell and don't dare copy/paste again from Wikipedia, and my blog window apparently decided to auto-format. How annoying.

 Anyway, back to whatever it was that I'm not saying...

I KNOW! I'll give you a run-down of my upcoming weekend. In list form, of course...

1) Landscaping job Thursday. Bleh to the extreme. However, it's PAY DAY! WAHOO! After pay day, I get to race home, shower, zip to town and the bank because that's what I do, and then, zip over to the neighboring county! Why, you ask? For to hang with my friends, of course! It's gonna be a lifespeaking, food making, phenomenal kickass time, and you should all be jealous that you're not going to be there. :)

2) Coffee date with Running Buddy 1.0 on Friday morning. I love Friday morning coffee dates. They totally set the tone for the rest of the day, and 99 times out of 99, it's an awesome tone. :) Work at the liquor store (btw, I work weekends at a liquor store) that evening, and then Team Omaha+1 shall be united for some quality pre-Saturday morning boozing...I think.

3) 7 mile run with Team Omaha+1 on Saturday morning. Woop woop! then more booze-peddling Saturday afternoon/evening. Then home for some neighborly fireworks. Then more boozing? Who knows.

4) Sunday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA! I think I actually get *another* Sunday off. I don't know what I'll do with myself.

I think that's all for now. I need to go to bed. 5 a.m. alarms are never kind.

Stay tuned for a post-Thursday-lifespeak-food blog post. Until then, hasta luego!

M

A Study in Stress

More specifically, A Study in Stress and its Effects on the Human Body.

Hi. I'm the Human Body. I'm stressed.

Oh, I hear you all out there. "But Michael, you're never stressed! You're always happy and chill and positive and happy! How on Earth can you be stressed?" Okay, so maybe you're not saying that, but I imagine that you are, and that's the point of the matter!

Anyway, there are several contributing factors to the increased stress levels in my life, these days. Would you like to read about them? You wouldn't? You'd much rather read about some pan-fried spinach and golden garlic chips (recipe featured here: http://tinyurl.com/248mpvg) ? Well, you can do that later. Right now, I'M DOMINATING THIS BANDWIDTH. MWAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, so three caffeinated beverages in four hours may not be a good idea for future blog days. Or any day, for that matter. I'm like a squirrel on crack. Sans the fluffy tail. Although I do have fluffy hair. I need a haircut. Balls!NOUN!

...Uh, sorry. The fingers ran away with themselves. I honestly don't think that being stressed, sleep-deprived, and fueled by Starbucks Caramel Macchiato ice cream and Pepsi are the best conditions for writing a blog, but hey, we'll call it an adventure!

In case you're wondering, I bought Dillons out of Starbucks Caramel Macchiato ice cream on Sunday morning. I was hung over, and it just seemed like a good idea, at the time. I cleaned off half a pint in my 16 mile drive home. That stuff is like CRACK* to me, and I don't even LIKE the taste of coffee. But dang, this stuff is 2L2Q**. Delicious and a half.

SOANYWAY, back to the sources of stress in my life. Time to make a list. I love making lists. It's my obsession. 

1) I have NO clue what I'm going to major in at ESU. I tossed around a few options for literally hours last night, and I still have no clue what I want to do. I wish I could describe the level of uneasiness that this causes me to reach. I'm a list-maker. A planner. A person who, while possessing and maintaining the (sometimes infuriating) ability to be completely spontaneous, has the uncontrollable urge to make Lists, and when he makes Lists, MUST STICK TO THE LISTS. If I don't stick to The Lists, I feel all guilty. I swear I've got a Jewish mother somewhere in the Ether, and every time I don't follow The List *cough...or my marathon training grid* she stands behind me, nags at me about not learning my Hebrew well enough for my Bar Mitzvah, and says "Oh, my little Mensch, WHY must you do this to me? You give me grey hair and cause me to drink. Now be a good little mishuggenah and go get Mommelah some Manischewitz. Your Aunt Lily is coming over, and Gawd knows I'll need some help." 

Maybe I'll just get a philosophy degree and decide to be a drifter. Or not, because even thinking about that just makes my skin crawl. Drifting = not my style. So, if any of you are familiar with the ESU majors available to a 22 year old Renaissance Man with too many interests and would like to offer an opinion, please do. We have reached a Code Red, as far as life planning is concerned. If I don't have a list made by Friday, I'm not responsible for what may happen. All I can predict with accuracy is that booze will be involved. Booze and pool time. And a complete lack of productivity. And we just can't have that, so please, help.

2) Um...what is this list about again? Oh yeah, stress-causers in this Human Body's life. Uh...shit. I can't remember what else is stressing me out.....

*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......"please stand by"....OOOOOOOOOOOOO*

(That was the Indian Screen that used to be on tv way back in the day when there were technical difficulties. Did you see the resemblance?)

OH. I just remembered. My job. My job stresses me out. A lot. The landscaping (but in reality, mowing) job, that is. I kinda hate mowing, anyway, and when I sit on a mower at one of our high-profile properties, or even see my buck-passing, snide-comment-making, overall-douchey-acting supervisor, I get even more stressed. And I work 10+ hour days with this guy. It's no wonder I drink.

Well, actually, I drink because booze and I are friends. I drink TOO MUCH because of my job. So, needless to say but I'mma say it anyway, I can't wait for August 4, which will be my last day EVER at Stauffer Lawn & Landscape, LLC. Don't get me wrong, I am SUPER grateful to my Uncle Pete for offering me this job, because I'd be royally effed without it, but mowing is just not for me.  Will never forget Uncle Pete helping me out when I needed it, but mowing is just not for me. Can now stripe out a lawn with the greatest of ease, but mowing is just not for me. Are we getting the theme, here? Awesome. 

NUMBER THREE) Uh...shit I did it again. Think, Michael Dean. Think think think...what else is stressing me out? Oh yeah, I remember. The fact that I'm stressed about other things in my life is leading to some ridiculous bouts of insomnia and fitful sleep. So I'm tired as all get out. All the time. And I kinda don't have any time off to just...rest. So I just kinda get more and more tired each day. Hence the 3 caffeinated beverages and pint of coffee-based ice cream. I'm sorta just living on a latte and a prayer, as the song says. Which song, I don't know, but I know I've heard a song that says that. Or maybe I'm making it up. I don't even know anymore. All I know is that these circles under my eyes are starting to reach a ridiculous shade of....I don't even know what color these things are....eggplant? Yeah, eggplant. All I know is that these circles under my eyes are starting to reach a ridiculous shade of eggplant, and my body is definitely on autopilot. This is such a vicious cycle. MY KINGDOM FOR A VACATION.

Which reminds me, to all of my friends that are currently on or may have just returned from a vacation...*ahem ahem*...I hate you. You get to do all the fun things and I'm stuck here at home being treated like a daft village idiot by my supervisor and I hate you. 

Okay so I don't hate you, but I'm sure you can relate to my feelings. Baahhhh! A bug that somehow just got into the house just flew down my t-shirt. Such an awkward and slightly creepy feeling. I would at least like a shot glass, or hell, a shot, to make up for you all having fun times without me. Kthanks.

Well, I think I've word-vomited just about all I can word-vomit, as far as things that stress me out. Without going into super annoying and personal details about my life that you may care about, but don't really want to know about, that is. So I think I'm going to wrap up this batshit crazy display of random, and go stare at my dark ceiling for an hour or so before forcing myself into unconsciousness. Doesn't that sound like fun?

I thought so.

Hopefully I'll start using this here blog as the cathartic means to sanity that I intended it to be more often, and I can recruit new people to the Cud Cult. Until then, Auf Wiedersehen and Bonne Nuit!

P.S. Shout out to DeAnna! The coolest sober vegan I've never met! HOLLA!

Peace out, yo.

Michael Dean

*Sorry for using "crack" twice within two paragraphs. I swear I don't have a drug problem.

**2L2Q: Too legit to quit. Duh.

************This has been "A Study in Stress and its Effects on the Human Body. Thank you for your time and patience while this study was completed.************

P.S. I promise I won't ever put you guys through this ever again. Sorry, and goodbye forever,

M

Real Quick-Like

Howdy!

How's everyone, these days? I'm busy, as usual.

I just crawled into bed and figured I'd post something to satiate the blog-hounds out there. And to satiate myself, I suppose. I start to feel irrationally guilty if I don't post a blog every now and again.

Quick summary of my life these days:

1) Derek and Tricia got married a couple weeks ago. Holy toledo it was one of the most awesome days of my life. So happy for you guys. Love you mucho!

2) I've been working like a dog...when it's not raining. Long story short: it's hard to mow when it rains all the time.

3) Running....I'm still doing it. 16 miles in the morning. (In like 7 hours, actually. I should have been asleep an hour ago.)

4) Identity crises: still having them. Long story short: it's a long story. 

5) T-Minus two months until I'm a Hornet. I'm kinda terrified.

6) I'm not sure what I was going to say here, but I typed "6)" before I knew what was going on, and why waste a perfectly good "6)"?!

7) I just remembered. My daily calorie intake has now exceeded 3700, and I haven't gained a pound. I've actually lost a pound. I think there's something wrong with me. Tapeworm, perhaps? I think I'll call him Reginald...

8) I sorta have a serious addiction to making lists.

I think that's all my brain is able to spew forth tonight.

Insanely yours,

Michael Dean

P.S. Stay tuned for a full-on blogfest on Sunday. I actually have a whole day with NOTHING to do! Wahoo!

:)

I think Jill Scott has already said everything I want to say, today.

If I could give you the worlOn a silver platter
Would it even matter?You’d still be mad at me

If I could find in all this
A dozen roses
Which I would give to you
You’d still be miserable

In reality, I’m gonna be who I be
And I don’t feel no faults
For all the lies that you bought

You can try as you may
Break me down but I say
That it ain’t up to you
Gone and do what you do

Hate on me, hater
Now or later
‘Coz I’m gonna do me
You’ll be mad, baby
Go ‘head and hate
Go ‘head and hate on me, hate on
‘Coz I’m not afraid of it
What I got I paid for
You can hate on me

Ooh, if I gave you peaches
Out of my own garden
And I made you a peach pie
Would you slap me high

What if I gave you diamonds
Out of my own heart
Would you feel the love in that,
Or ask “why not the moon”?

If I gave you sanity
For the whole of humanity,
Had all the solutions
For the pain and pollution

No matter where I live,
Despite the things I give,
You’ll always be this way
So go ‘head and….

You cannot hate on me
‘Cuz my mind is free
Feel my destiny
So shall it be

Have a beautiful Sunday. I know I sure am :)